Sunday, August 15, 2010

When money cannot buy even the basics

COMMENT BY TAN HAN CHONG

WHENEVER my family goes to our regular coffeeshop in Kuala Lumpur, my son would typically ask for either the raisin bun or “pau”, depending on which is the better offering at that location.

Even when we were back in Singapore last weekend, my son was on his hunt for “pau”. After dinner, he requested for a walk.

He held my hand and we strolled happily to the coffeeshop round the corner. He knew exactly where to go, heading straight to the “pau’ counter.

He would not leave the shop until I bought him a “pau” and he ate most of it even before we got home. The next morning, his grandmother had a fresh raisin bun on the table for his breakfast.

Bread is one of the staple for my family, just like for many people. However, this inexpensive comfort food may become a lot pricier soon if the wheat were to come from Russia.

A spell of bad weather this year has resulted in a major supply shortage in Russia. In the past, Russia exported a significant part of its wheat production to almost every corner of the world.

However this shortage in production has led to the Russian authorities banning all exports, keeping whatever wheat produced for domestic consumption.

Without a doubt, traditional wheat importing partners of Russia will bear the immediate brunt of this shortage. This supply “shock” has resulted in the rapid increase in price over the last few weeks. This is true economics at work.

When supply falls and demand remains constant, price will increase. A fear of shortage may spur further demand (for instance, hoarding) resulting in an upward price spiral.

If raw material (wheat flour) cost escalates, the price of bread will also increase correspondingly, burning a bigger hole in the pockets of end consumers.

In economics terms, this is known as supply-driven inflation. As its name implies, it is caused by a fall in supply even when demand remains constant.

We experienced this in the 80s during the oil crisis when there was a global shortage. Older folks will remember that in some countries, there was rationing of petrol or long queues at petrol stations.

With weather wreaking havoc globally, crop failure leading to supply shocks may be more common. Occurrences of floods, draught, forest fires, etc seem to be more prevalent these days.

Another form of inflation is demand-driven inflation. In this case, demand has increased. More buyers for the same supply will inevitably push up prices in a free market situation.

A demand-driven inflation may follow a supply-driven one when consumers start to hoard or speculate in anticipation of further price hikes.

Demand-driven inflation may alternatively be a reflection of increase in economic activities. This hopefully means that there is more employment and wealth creation that precedes the increase in demand, hence a more positive form of “inflation”.

I may be generalising, but if the economy is growing, employment levels should be better. With a decent salary increment and reasonable bonus, we can hopefully still afford the price of goods.

Supply shocks can come about quite unexpectedly. I never knew that Russia is such a significant exporter of wheat.

Even if Malaysia is not directly affected, the increase of wheat price globally will have some impact on almost every one of us.

If it is more costly to import Russian wheat, importers will look elsewhere for alternatives. Assuming country X’s wheat is cheaper, importers will switch to import from country X, thus increasing demand for their wheat.

In the short term, farmers cannot grow more wheat (constant or lower supply) to meet growing demand, so a brutal combination of supply-driven inflationary pressure and possible hoarding are likely to drive prices of wheat up for country X.

The cycle will then continue in a ripple effect. However, looking at the bright side of things, bread will probably remain a fairly affordable food source for most of us, even after factoring in some price increase.

I think what we should try to appreciate is the effort that goes into farming it. The fragile economics behind its value is not to waste any food.

Let us hope that we do not experience too many of such supply shocks. Many people have pointed out that these are perhaps indicators of the impact of global warming.

If so, we must learn to adapt to such crisis and actively work to save Mother Earth from further ravage. For now, when the weather is good in the morning, my son will continue to have his raisin bun and milk for breakfast before taking a stroll to the playground, still blissfully unaware of the potential rise in wheat flour costs.

Tay is senior vice-president and senior head of UOB’s personal financial services division.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

The first step towards great leadership

HAVE you ever met someone who became a parent without really wanting to be one? Can you imagine how difficult the task of bringing up a child would be for such a person? Anyone who has raised children knows well about the sleepless nights of the first year, the teething problems of the terrible twos, the challenges of adolescence, and the long-term toil of grooming a child into a fine human being.

For someone who has not signed up willingly for this hard work, parenting can be an endlessly tiring ordeal. And, of course, the experience is probably much worse for a child of unwilling parents.

Now flip the situation and consider a couple who genuinely want to be parents. For them, the sleepless nights, the terrible twos and the ongoing journey of parenting is the biggest gift of life. The difference? Knowing what you want, and going into it with eyes wide open.

A famous bodybuilder was once asked why he picked bodybuilding over another sport like football or hockey. “In football, if you dribble the ball all the way from your end of the field to the goal-post of the opposing team, you typically have to pass the ball to another player, who kicks or heads the ball past the goalkeeper. In other words, you do all the hard work, and someone else gets the credit for scoring,” he said without hesitation.

“I picked bodybuilding because I wanted to reap the full reward of my own hard work without sharing it with anyone else.”

Can you imagine this person in a football or hockey team? Not only would he be miserable, he would probably bring his team down too by not passing when needed.

Now consider the following. Have you ever worked for a boss who:

>Did not take the trouble to find out what you really wanted, and how to motivate you to the fullest?

>Behaved in unpredictable ways – happy one day and erratic or explosive on the next? You could never tell what reaction you would get from him.

>Drove his team hard, but claimed all the credit himself when presenting to his seniors?

>Was more concerned with his own success than that of the team?

Almost all of us have worked for at least a few such managers at some point in our careers. There is no shortage of bosses in the business world but unfortunately, very few of them make good leaders.

While it takes many attributes to make a good leader, the primal step is to know what you want, and be totally honest with yourself. Contrary to conventional wisdom, very few of us are honest with ourselves. This is the main reason, despite thousands of books about leadership and billions spent on leadership training, good leaders are few and far between.

The problem is knowing what you want, and being honest with yourself can neither be learned in a classroom nor automatically acquired upon accepting a leadership position. If there is one thing I have learned after studying leadership for over 20 years, it is this – without this primal step, you cannot be a leader.

Furthermore, if you continue to be in a leadership position without the level of self-awareness that I have described, you will make yourself (and the people you lead) miserable everyday.

Leadership is like parenting. Willing parents do not bring up a child with years of selfless love and caring because they hope to get a huge financial reward when they are old. They fully understand that the journey will be long and hard, but highly satisfying and fulfilling. Their reward is the journey itself.

Real leaders know that this is true about leadership as well – leadership is not about achieving success and getting rewarded yourself – it is about making others successful even if you get no credit for it.

The reward for leadership, like parenting, is the journey itself. It is the intrinsic satisfaction and warm feeling derived out of being a good parent. Most people accept (and stay in) leadership positions without asking themselves if leadership is for them, and without knowing what is really involved. If you’d rather be a bodybuilder, don’t join a hockey team!

Another problem with knowing what you want is that there are no shortcuts to finding out. Some people know very early in life what they want, and get focused on pursuing their goals.

There are very few people in the world that are so lucky. Most of us take a long time to find out – sometimes years or even decades. The trick is to keep trying until the answers become clear for you. The only way to do so is to keep looking for honest answers to the following questions:

1. What few things are important to me? What makes me happy? (Examples: money, love, happiness, power, achievement, social acceptance, being a good parent, brother, sister, son or daughter, leisure, hard work, meaningful work)

2. Do I want to:

a. Lead a simple life rich with everyday small pleasures?

b. Achieve great success in an individual endeavour? If so, which one?

c. Work with others towards creating a better future? If so, in what arena?

3. What specific results do I want to create?

4. What are my values and how will they guide my behaviour?

5. When my life is over, how do I want people to describe me?

For sure, these are tough questions to answer. This is why it can take years before you find honest answers. It is perfectly okay to struggle for the right answers, but you cannot go through life in blissful self-ignorance.

If you know where you want to go, any road will take you there. To find intrinsic happiness, you need to make this investment in yourself by going on a self-awareness quest. While it will take considerable time and effort to get to honest clarity, it will be the best investment you will ever make.

Becoming clear about who you are, what you want and the results you want to create are acts of self-leadership. If you cannot lead yourself, you can never lead others effectively.

The greatest leaders in history did not wait to be appointed to leadership positions before articulating a vision for the future. They took it upon themselves to solve the most pressing problems of their time and went about doing so. They first articulated their purpose and values, and then painted a picture of a better future. People who found the purpose, values and picture compelling enough, rewarded the leaders with their devoted followership.

Think about Mahatma Gandhi. He had no political office, military position, or any material wealth. If there was one thing he had, it was laser-sharp clarity about his purpose (freedom for all mankind) and values (truth, humility and non-violence). Millions were willing to lay down their lives for his cause because among other things, he had successfully completed the first step of leadership – knowing what you want and going into it with eyes wide open.

>Rajeev Peshawaria was formerly the global chief learning officer at Morgan Stanley and Coca-Cola. He is currently CEO of ICLIF, a strategic learning partner to Leaderonomics, with both organisations dedicated to the development of world-class leaders across Asia.

Friday, August 13, 2010

What is the secret to successful leadership?

THE leadership business is thriving.

Everyone, it seems, wants to know the secret formula for successful leadership. And it appears that there is no shortage of experts ready to dole out their own secret recipe, for a price, of course. Just look at the hundreds of books, pamphlets, DVDs, seminars and workshops on leadership. It’s a bewildering smorgasboard of information.

But strip away the wrapping paper and noise, and you will find that most leadership models and formulas come down to several common and fundamental principles.

One of them is the principle of respect. You are not a leader when no one is willing to follow you. And why would they follow, when they have no respect for you?

Earning the respect of your team members/staff is the starting point for much of what we want to achieve as leaders. Without respect, forget about building trust, forget about expecting loyalty and ownership, forget about staff engagement and motivation.

Research in organisational psychology have identified, among others, several key features that help a leader earn the trust of his or her team members.

In this article, I will focus on three:

·Competence

Do you know what you’re doing? Do you know what you’re talking about? Do your team perceive you as someone who is competent in your work?

Staff are quick to size up and form impressions of their leaders. Some leaders are perceived to be incompetent, sub par, below average or ill equipped to handle the work because they lack technical competencies. This is especially the case when heads or managers are rotated into a department where they have no expertise.

When Mr Wong, a senior manager who was trained in finance, was put in charge of the operations department in his company, the staff at first were wary because of his lack of expertise in that area.

“At the start, I was lost and had very little idea about this industry,” shares Mr Wong, “but within two to three months, I made it a point to learn and become an expert in this area. I talked to industry experts, I spent hours watching the different stages of the operation, I read up pages of the various standard operating procedures and systems, I read up on best practices in the industry, I talked to all the staff.”

In an age where leaders are expected to be versatile and mobile, Mr Wong reminds us that nothing can replace hard work, discipline and enterprise. When we show the ability to master the essential skills and knowledge, we put ourselves in a position where we can lead with legitimate authority.

Staff don’t expect their leaders to know everything, and they certainly don’t appreciate their leaders pretending to know everything. But they do expect their leaders to have a certain level of expertise and knowledge.

Would you be willing to travel on a plane when you have doubts about the pilot’s ability to handle the aircraft? Would you dare to go into battle under a commanding officer who can’t read maps properly, or who can’t fire a gun properly?

No one wants to be on a losing team. That’s why staff will be willing to follow you if you have demonstrated the ability to get things done, to meet performance targets, to lead the team to victory.

Teams will not respect a leader, let alone trust them, unless they are perceived to be competent.

·Integrity

Do my actions match my words? Do I practice what I preach? Do I deliver at the level I expect of my own staff?

We all respect leaders who lead by example. Nothing breaks the trust relationship faster that realising your leader does not walk the talk.

This is common knowledge and yet many leaders still fail to heed this principle.

Some don’t care. They feel they are untouchable in the organisation anyway, so what their staff think of them counts for nothing.

Some don’t see the need to model a healthy work ethos for their staff. After all, they’re the boss, and the life of a boss is and should be different from the life of a lowly worker.

“Just because I expect my staff to be in office at 8:30 am sharp, does not mean that I need to be on time. These rules don’t apply to me. In the same way, just because I make my staff work through the weekends, doesn’t mean that I need to do so.”

While I certainly understand that some perks should be afforded to senior management, we can’t run away from this basic truth: what you do is more important than what you say. As leaders, we are being watched all the time – that is the cost of leadership. With much power comes much responsibility.

You want respect? Then you need to demonstrate to your staff that you are willing to work as hard as they are, you are willing to sacrifice as much as you want them to. Like it or not, that is the reality.

·Fairness

Are you fair in the way you deal with your staff? Is justice seen to be done in the way you promote, reward, rebuke, allocate resources to staff? Do you have any favorites in your team, any blue-eyed boys or girls who can get away with anything?

Staff may not always agree with your decisions. At times they may think you’re too tough, your expectations are too high, your targets too lofty. But in the end, they will still respect your decisions as their leader if they believe you are fair and just to everyone in the office.

I realise this is an especially hard task to manage. Human beings have a tendency to be paranoid, particularly when they don’t get what they want. There is a tendency to see favouritism even when none exist.

All a leader can do is to be as transparent and as careful as possible.

Make sure you spend time with all your staff, if possible. Give each of your direct reports some one-to-one face time, so that they know they have your ear and they have equal access to you. This regular access goes a long way towards dispelling unhappiness among staff.

Explain the rationale behind your decisions, especially when they are unpopular.

Put in place a transparent performance management system that as far as possible minimises subjective judgments when it comes to staff evaluation.


Dr Goh Chee Leong is vice-president of HELP University College and a psychologist

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Growing towards Excellence

Would you like to become a better person?

If I did a survey asking people this question, I'm sure I would receive 100% response YES!!!!

"Who started today deciding on one thing they were going to be aware of and work on today to make them a better person?"

I asked this question recently to a room full of people and only one person said YES!!

Many of us have desires and aspirations that we would like to see fulfilled in our lives, but are not actively taking action to make those things happen.

It can be difficult to relate what happens in the present to the results we would like to see in the future. However the future is prepared for today, by the choices we make and the way we invest our time and energy.

Most people want to be the best they can be, but get discouraged because it seems such a huge mountain to get there. We live close to Burnaby Mountain , and often take the dogs for a walk there. There is a really pleasant trail near the bottom, shaded by trees, along the bank of a stream However when it is time to walk home up the steep hill the prospect seems daunting. I can never walk up it without pausing for a break somewhere. At the steepest part of the hill every step seems a huge effort, and I eventually stop to get my breath. When I look back however, it is amazing to realize how far I've come. My whole perspective changed. The process of walking is automatic normally. When we walk, our mind focuses on other things unless the going gets tough. We make progress but it is not a conscious process. That is because walking has become a natural habit for us.


This is also true of life and the skills we learn. The mechanics of driving a vehicle become second nature, as the skills become so well practiced and familiar that we do not conscious think through each action. It becomes almost instinctive, as natural to us as breathing.

To consistently grow towards becoming better in our lives we need to create new habits that will move us there. At first implementing a new behaviour, thought pattern, or action into our lifestyle is a very conscious act. It's like walking up the steepest part of the mountain. However that is only in the beginning stages. It only takes thirty days to form a new habit. Then, that positive habit in our life becomes more a natural part of us. It moves to the more subconscious part of our life.

Pat Riley said

"Excellence is the gradual result of always striving to do better."


To move towards more excellence in your life, the journey starts and will continue to be one small step at a time. One small step a day is far more effective than to make a resolution to take a huge jump forward, and then not make any progress for a while.


Gradual - it is a process, and not seeing the results immediately can be discouraging. One helpful thing to do is to set small landmarks with some motivating reward when they are achieved. It is good to have the attitude and habit of always striving to do better in every area of life all the time. However I would also suggest a focus on one main thing at a time, and as that becomes habitual in your life, select another area of focus.

Always -it needs to be every day; a small discipline at first that becomes a positive habit. I would suggest developing as part of your morning routine a time and place when you deliberately pause and reflect on the new lifestyle habit you are presently working on. In that time consider how during that day you are specifically going to do or think in a different way to reinforce your growth in that area.


Set a goal for the day. It is helpful to read or carry with you a short sentence or quote that will motivate and remind you of your goal during the day. Perhaps a Post it note in the car, or kitchen as a way of re focusing during the day It needs to be a daily conscious act, otherwise days missed turn into weeks, discouragement sets in and it becomes easy to give up. When a new habit is formed and is part of your lifestyle when you look back you will be amazed at the changes you see.

To take even just a couple of minutes set aside at the beginning of your day is a very powerful key and works well. We all need frequent encouragement and motivation. It also is an excellent way to start your day positively, and will set the tone for the day.

Knowing how important daily motivation is, I have compiled a collection of quotes taken from people who have taken these principles and applied them successfully to their lives. If you need an inspirational tool to aid you in this process of growing towards better in your life this e book is for you. You can have a quote to set your goal for the day every day for a year

Ten Tips To Increase Your Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is an important key to success in any walk of life. People with self-confidence are noticed more. They achieve their goals relatively easily. In contrast, people who lack self-confidence often end up being losers. You too need to build your self-confidence if you want to do well in life. Here are ten tips that can help you build that elusive self-confidence:

1. Self-confidence is found in people who have a healthy self-esteem. They know their personal worth, and act accordingly. A good way to improve your personal worth is to make a list of your accomplishments every day. You will be surprised to know how many positive acts you perform every day in life, but which you don’t notice. Once you start looking at this list, your self-confidence will boom.

2. Be clear about your goals. If need be, break your goals into smaller, more manageable tasks. Pat yourself every time you achieve a minor goal. It will boost you’re a self-confidence, and help you achieve bigger goals.

3. Find a mentor who can help you reach your goal. Most people, who have done well in life, have a mentor who has traveled the same road on which they are traveling today. Meet your mentor regularly, and seek his advice and support as a routine. You will find that you are learning something valuable every day.

4. Socialize with people who are positive and supportive, who like and respect you. Give them the same support and respect that they give you. Avoid people who are negative and critical of you. Such people erode your self-confidence. They make you look at your negative self, and not your positive self. After some time, you get enveloped in their cynical and negative world-view. Nothing can be more damaging than that. Dump such friends as soon as you can.

5. Pay attention to how you look. Take pleasure in wearing good clothes and being well groomed. It makes you feel good. People too look at you differently. Remember that every human being wants to be found in the company of smart, intelligent, successful people. You can soon be a centre of attraction if you radiate a positive, smart look. It can very easily make the difference between success and failure.

6. Don’t be afraid of failures. Take them in your stride and move on. Say to yourself that you will succeed the next time. Never make the mistake of allowing your failures to overwhelm you. They will force you into a shell, and destroy your self-confidence. A better way is to shrug your failures as something inconsequential, and take on a new challenge. Of course, you must learn from your mistakes, and be realistic about your abilities. People who try to over-reach often fall down. You should not allow that to happen in the name of self-confidence.

7. Keep yourself fit by exercising regularly and controlling your diet. A fit and healthy person is much more active and achieves more in his career. Physical fitness, like self-confidence, glows on your face.

8. Have a wide range of interests, and take an active interest in what’s going on in the world. Meet and talk to a lot of people. Don’t focus all your attention only on your work and on your problems. Divert your attention to new interests, and new tasks. This will keep your mind happily occupied, and boost your self-confidence.

9. Take part in activities that you are good at. You may have excelled at things in the past and then given them up due to lack of time. Return to those activities again and see your self-confidence grow.

10. Pick up a new hobby or craft that interests you. It will keep you occupied. It will also increase your self-confidence as you become more skilled in it.

Try to practice these tips as faithfully as you can, and see the difference in your life.

By Son Ngo

What Self Esteem Is?

Self esteem is a familiar term that is used, but what exactly does it mean?
Self Esteem is actually a system of measurement. It is a way of measuring and describing how a person thinks and feels about themselves. It is a method that attempts to measure a person’s value or self worth.

Self Esteem measures how people think about themselves in two different aspects . By using a combination of these two criteria enables a person to make a judgment about their unique value, or worth as a person. From this judgment a feeling of self esteem is usually formed.

Here are the two criteria people commonly use to measure self esteem:

How Lovable Am I?
Your self esteem is based on how lovable you think you are. How do you decide how lovable you are? This is usually determined by what you think other people think of you, and how much you think these other people care about you.

How Capable Are You?
Your self esteem is measured by what you think about the things you ‘do’. This falls into two groups; your traits and behaviours. Traits refers to attributes such as patience, being brave, clean, organized, thrifty etc. Qualities that you believe are valuable and desirable in your life. Behaviours are more specific, for example, how fast you can run 100 metres, how well you can cook dinner, or add up numbers.

As you determine your self esteem to the degree that you consider yourself lovable and capable, it will inevitably be deeply rooted in your intrinsic belief in your uniqueness, value and worth as a person. It is also, clearly a subjective opinion and strongly influenced by your personal beliefs and values as well as the influence of your family, upbringing and other significant life events.

This process of measuring your value and worth as a person poses some interesting questions for consideration.

If I were to ask you to rate your level of self esteem today with a number between 1-10, with 1 being no self esteem, you see no value in your life and are seriously considering suicide, and 10 being thinking you are the greatest person in the whole world- What would your number be?

Supposing tomorrow, you had an argument with your best friend and they didn’t like you or want to speak to you ever again, would your number remain the same or be lower? If your self esteem is affected by your emotions, or the way you interact with people and how you perceive what they think of you then there is a fundamental problem. The problem is your self esteem will inevitably be unstable and easily affected by your feelings and perceptions which arise from your circumstances and the way people respond to you.

However your worth and value as a person, in reality, remains the same, irrespective of your emotions, circumstances and relationships. You are not any less of value as a person tomorrow than today or yesterday. One person’s reaction or opinion cannot change your value and worth as a person. Your emotions cannot change your value as a unique human being, any more than catching a cold or someone else having a bad day can devalue your worth. Your value as a person remains constant whether the sun is shining and you are having a great day, or there’s a storm outside and the events of the day are not going as well as you would like them to.

Everyone has value and worth as a human being. We are all unique with different personalities, strengths and weaknesses, and each one of us have been created as lovable and capable people. I would like to suggest that our self esteem should not be based on our thoughts and perceptions of how we are treated or valued by other people, or by how well or badly we perform, whether to our personal standards or that of others. Rather our self esteem will grow from a deeper inner place as we discover and accept our uniqueness and value, and learn how to love and live life with purpose

By Barbara White

Dealing with Difficult People

"An overburdened overstretched executive is the best executive, because he or she doesn’t have the time to meddle, to deal in trivia, to bother people." Jack Welch

Dealing with difficult people can make your life and your job miserable. Beyond a point, you cannot control difficult people. You can only control how you react to them. If these difficult people consistently anger or intimidate you, or simply rattle your cage, they ultimately control you. In dealing with difficult people, it begs us to ask the question, "Might I be a difficult person?!" We can all possess difficult people traits, but what about those individuals who are this way all the time?

3 Tips to Remember When Dealing with Difficult People

1) First learn and understand their behavior patterns. When are these people most difficult? What types of behavior makes them difficult people? Are they difficult only with you or with others as well?

2) Don’t argue with overly aggressive or excessively difficult people. These individuals often have a desire for dissension and thrive on chaos. By arguing and wanting to "win" it only adds fuel to the fire.

3) Don’t take their behavior personally. Often, they are impossible to be around because of something going on with them.

5 Common Types of Difficult People

Complainer/Whiner/Negativist: Research shows these difficult people often have an excessive need to be liked and want sympathy. By complaining and being negative, they think they’ll gain attention. These difficult people gain attention but not in a positive way. It pays to be tactfully direct with the negativist. For example, saying to them, "I understand this is something you want to talk about, and at the same time I want to make sure I get back to performing my work." Dealing with difficult people this way will usually cause them to move on to someone else; a more "captive audience" who they think will listen to their excessive whining.

Another key phrase is to say, "Pat, I want to bring something to your attention, and you may not even be aware of it. When you come in to work first thing in the morning complaining to the other staff about our new policy, it’s beginning to look like a lot of negativity. I just wanted to mention it because you may not be aware of how you’re coming across." If you think they’re already aware of it, explain it to them anyway. Dealing with difficult people requires diplomacy and tact.

Know-it-All: Listen and know what drives them. When dealing with a know-it-all like this, ask yourself if they seem to have an excessive need for control. Or, do they seem insecure, but want to appear to have all the facts on just about everything? Maybe these difficult people are threatened by you. First, let the know-it-all vent within reason. Often, once they’ve let out all their "hot air," then they’ll be more likely to listen to you. If not, and they start talking over you, it may be necessary to say, "So and so, I really have listened to everything you have to say about such-and-such, and if you’d give me just a moment, I can help you as far as….." Be direct, yet polite and tactful.

Exploder: When dealing with difficult people such as the exploder proceed with caution. Wait until they’re finished "erupting" and have "cooled their jets." You may be better off not saying much at all. Approach them again when they are in a good mood. If they are never in a good mood, approach them when they are in a better mood.

Sniper: Dealing with difficult people who stealthily throw little digs your way are tricky contenders. After they toss innuendos in a sometimes sarcastic tone and you show that you’re hurt, they accuse you of having "no sense of humor."

In this case, consider ignoring them altogether. In the future they’ll be less likely to throw in little digs because they won’t get the reaction they’re looking for from you. As Zig Ziglar once said, "No one can get your goat if they don’t know where it’s tied up."

Gossip: These difficult people either are bored, don’t have enough to occupy their time, or simply like to make others look bad and themselves look good. Gossips don’t realize that when they’re gossiping about everyone else, that people are silently wondering, "I wonder what she/he says about me when I’m not around?!" Sometimes gossips "gossip" as a distraction and to procrastinate important tasks.

Often what they’re gossiping about doesn’t even affect them. Next time this happens, listen intently, then politely say, "And how does this affect you?" They’ll get the point. Be very careful, however, with your tone of voice. You do not want to come across at all as sarcastic. Besides, the latin root of "sarcasm" is "sarco" meaning tearing of the flesh!

Difficult People = Different People

It’s been said that difficult people are often "different" people. Often a person appears difficult because they are so different from us. Dealing with difficult people isn’t easy. It takes practice to learn how to deal with them effectively.

If you are forced to interact with certain difficult people at times consider the following: keep the conversation light. Talk about "news, weather, and sports" and nothing else. Don’t let them press those buttons!

By Colleen Kettenhofen